“So, what’s next?”, She asked. The girl, my roommate, my bestfriend. “Get dressed and lit me a cigarette” I said just to make her smile. That smile, that intoxicating smile from the world’s prettiest girl I know. “Don’t you wanna label this?”. It’s not too quick to ask. It’s been three years since we evolved from cuddles to sex. The thing we had, how can I label it. We were inamoratas when we first kissed. It didn’t felt like cheating. We turned singles after. “Baby?”, She brought me back to reality.
“Do we need to?, I hesitated. “Yes, I planned our wedding, beach wedding it is, I’ll wear the suit. You’ll look so gorgeous in the bride dress, my love”, she narrates with love. Shall I stop her? How can I say I don’t wanna label it? I don’t want us to be treated like a trash in this society. My family and hers would never accept it. “And I’ll kiss the ring and you like it’s my last day on earth.” Her eyes glistened with tears, happy tears. “What do you say love?”, she asked me while looking straight into my eyes. I couldn’t fake an excitement.
“Baby”, I loosened her grip on my hip. “I don’t wanna do this anymore, The thing we have is not something I would love to label, I do love you, I can whisper it in the ears of my love, my world, but not the the world” I cried. “But, we can go somewhere, where no one will judge us” she sounded so tired. “Heaven?”, I questioned. “You’re saying that you would marry me if I have a dick?” She laughed. I can clearly see the pain in her eyes. “Yes”, I replied. “Will you answer the same, if I asked you to marry me?” She asked. “No”, the word, I never knew I said to her before, I know I damaged her heart with that cursed word. But I know she’s stronger than anything. I cried knowing that I hurt her. She hurried, cupped my cheeks and said, “hush puppy, don’t cry, I know you love me, I know you do than this sex and cigarettes. you’re right sweetie, we should stop doing it if it isn’t something progressive”. The words from the strongest girl I know still keeping me Alive.
And that’s it, it was really funny that we have to pretend like we didn’t make love under the sheets. No one knows the secret behind that non-smokers cigarette tattoo. The tattoo in the place where I kiss her the most, the neck. I just noticed a ring on her chain, my heart aches a little. It has already been a year. It’s all over, isn’t it? It’s good, it’s over. But, I still regret the word I said, I should have said “Yes”, love.
Winter 